


Turn Back Time

by lonelyasacloud



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Early Days, M/M, Nostalgia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-07 08:10:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11619498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelyasacloud/pseuds/lonelyasacloud
Summary: Josh relishes their success and Tyler misses the good old times.He honestly thinks he'll need to invent a time machine pretty soon if his head doesn't catch up to their present.





	Turn Back Time

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not sure about this yet again and maybe i should stop writing without a plan and start editing my works 
> 
> i hope you enjoy it anyways

Tyler misses Josh.

The old Josh, that is- the awkward, nerdy and incredibly kind guy with a smile too big for his face and a heart too big for his mind, his best friend, calm and thoughtful and caring, seemingly always happy but also a very deep and empathetic feeler.

They’d met at one of his first concerts. Tyler had been very, very nervous that day so his stage performance naturally hadn’t been the best. Voice shaky, mind swirling and unfocussed he’d tried his best and even though he’d known it wasn’t, the adrenaline rush and endorphins flooding his blood stream had been enough to making him feel on top of the world.

After the show, he and his band-mates had been approached by a pale boy with quite a long fringe and fidgety hands.

“Hi, uhm, my name is Josh and I’m a drummer and I was wondering if I could ever, I don’t know, play with you guys?”

That sentence had been the beginning of it all.

 

Some time after that first meeting, Tyler had lost both his band-mates. Chris was first to leave and a month later, Nick quit too. They left Tyler feeling completely helpless and overwhelmed, even though he understood and respected their decisions with all of his heart. That was when Josh had stepped in, offering his services as drummer and band-mate and ultimately, best friend.

Tyler had known that Josh’s drumming style was one of a kind and that he enjoyed jamming with him, but their first time playing ‘Isle of flightless Birds’ together completely blew his mind. He’d never felt more alive, Josh’s energy filling his own veins and pushing him, pulling him along until the music finally fully absorbed both of them.

 

They were the perfect team. Still are, in most ways. But back then… the beginning had been heartbreakingly passionate and oh so inspiring and then, until the end, it was simply perfect.

Always. Even when they fought or when they disagreed over both musical and private things or when Tyler’s mind led him to the darkest of all places and Josh started to feel suffocated by his need to care for Tyler or when Josh’s anxiety forced Tyler to take control and lead him; it was complicated but also simple and so, so good.

 

They soon released their first album together and started working like crazy to reach larger audiences, to sell all ‘Regional At Best’-copies that were filling the trunk of Tyler’s old, run-down car to the brink in the beginning but soon became less and less, until they finally sold the last copy to a boy of about nineteen with tears in his eyes and thankful words on his tongue that would make Tyler tear up too. They took a picture with that boy, Josh’s eyes all squinty from smiling too hard and Tyler’s shoulders proud and confident thanks to people like that boy.

That picture now stands on Tyler’s nightstand, framed in simple black but treasured and looked at every single day. Josh gave it to him a couple of days after it had been taken, hugging him hard and thanking him for letting him join in on the journey that was Twenty One Pilots.

 

They signed to Fueled By Ramen in 2011 after having played a sold-out show at the Newport Music Hall in their hometown, Columbus. Josh was ecstatic and so was Tyler, of course, but his fears and insecurities started acting up soon after, the prospect of the future being slightly too much for him.

Josh was the one who helped him deal with those worries, even though he sometimes felt just as anxious and they both held each other very close during that time. Tyler found himself sleeping in Josh’s bed some nights, just because one of them couldn’t sleep and needed a warm body and reassuring words next to him.

 

Their second, very successful album came out in January 2013 and was called ‘Vessel’. Tyler was, as of per usual, the mastermind behind the lyrics and the actual music was a pure, simple combination of Tyler&Josh. They were scared of the public response to their work but also very hopeful, knowing that a lot of kids just like them needed their music to feel understood and comforted.

After that, they toured with Fall Out Boy, went on their own World Tour, eventually released their third record ‘Blurryface’, went on another World Tour and suddenly it was 2016 and they were _big_.

 

Twenty One Pilots blew up. Like crazy. In the beginning, it was the best thing ever. Tyler and Josh would give concert after concert, people lining up the night before, shouting along to their songs as if their lives depended on it; they would do interviews and hire more and more people to their crew- it was such a rewarding time. They’d _finally_ made it.

Madison Square Garden happened. Tyler spent the days in a daze, couldn’t believe they’d sold _Madison Square Garden_ out and cried a lot. Especially on stage. All those voices singing along to his own one, screaming at times, made him want to cry so bad he had to disconnect his mind from his body a bit in order to be able to perform.

More shows around the globe followed and eventually, they decided to take a break in the summer of 2017 after five special hometown-shows. Fans from all across the US travelled to Columbus, Ohio for those shows. It was _insane_ , and Tyler was both happy and sad. He missed the old times, when they could walk around the city without being tracked down, when their families weren’t affected by their job, when they could talk to fans individually after shows. Josh, on the other hand, was euphoric. He claimed to be happier than ever. Success made him shine brighter than ever before, made him glow from within even though he’d been the attention-fearing, scared guy with severe social anxiety for the first few years- he now said that his social anxiety was still around, hidden somewhere in the back of his mind but nowhere near as bad as it used to be. The crowds were good for him. They calmed him down, admired his use of the nervous energy originating from this hidden place in the back of his mind and silenced his self-doubts.

The success and attention didn’t work like that on Tyler. If anything, they made him more self-conscious and scared, he had to focus on his clique needing him to keep going, to keep performing, to keep singing, to keep being there. He vanished frequently from the public’s eyes, stopped using social media as much as he used to and barely made appearances in Josh’s private life, which he was very open about.

 

In truth, they hadn’t talked in quite a while now. Tyler and Jenna moved to a new house in Columbus a few weeks ago and that was when Josh had last texted him. He’d never gotten a reply.

Tyler is tired. He’s tired, and he needs to rest and he needs to escape the public’s pressure for quite some time he feels and he needs a break from Josh. He wants the old Josh back, the one who cared even less than himself about success and the public’s opinion. The new Josh is _so_ hungry for attention and success that it’s suffocating him, he’s drowning in requests and pleas for new music and he just doesn’t want to talk to that Josh who only wants to talk about the next album and the next tour and their next self-advertising-campaign and and and and.

He knows that Josh just loves his job. Just wants to reach more people, to help more people, to make more of them happy, that it’s not really about the success but about the effect their music has on those people. It’s about so much more than just the success and attention, it _means_ so much more to Josh than just that.

And he understands, in some way. Sometimes. When his mind is in the right place for it.

But it’s hard for him to see Josh deal with it all so easily, so happily and gratefully when he’s having such a hard time with all of it. And he doesn’t understand himself, because this is what he dreamed of in the beginning, this is what he was aiming for and yet it still terrifies him to the point of defeat.

He misses the old Josh, but mainly he misses his old self.

He misses their easy but deep connection, having someone other than Jenna to confide in, misses Josh’s laugh and his squinty eyes (just like in the Vessel-photo), his hugs and happy personality, the way he grounded him and just _Josh_. Maybe all of those things are still part of the New Josh, as Tyler had started to call him quite some time ago, but he doesn’t know and he can’t bring himself to find out.

It would be so easy, to just shoot a text through the invisible phone networks up in the sky or to call him and hear him pick up the phone with his usual excitement at talking to Tyler or to book a flight and visit him in LA but he’s never done that and he’s just so tired. He’s so, so tired.

He feels like he _needs_ Josh but he lacks the energy and confidence to do anything about that, so he just keeps getting worse and worse. He desperately wishes for time to fold in on itself so that he can just wake up tomorrow next to Josh in his old car, back in the days when ‘Regional At Best’ reigned and things had been simple, much easier and lighter than they are today, in the inbetween-days, where nothing is secure and everything in question, at least for Tyler.

He’s lost in his head and past and can’t stop the need to flee from his present and he doesn’t understand himself, doesn’t understand _why_ his head is making everything so much harder than it needs to be, than it actually is.

So he just goes back to bed where he tries to lose himself in books and stranger’s lives and spends more time sleeping than is healthy for him.

 

Jenna notices, and Josh does too.

She tries to help but simply can’t figure out just what exactly the problem seems to be.

Josh thinks he knows and he grows scared of the thought that _that_ could actually be happening inside of Tyler’s head right now and so he spends a few days frozen in place at home in LA and then he forces himself to buy a plane ticket and flies out to Ohio to show his best friend that he’s still the same and that he will always, _always_ be right next to him to fight their way through the overwhelming waves and tides of success together; that it will be okay as long as they just stay true to themselves.


End file.
